To Build a Home: Loving Those You Live With
“Hearing that Jesus had silenced the Sadducees, the Pharisees got together. One of them, an expert in the law, tested him with this question: ‘Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?’ Jesus replied: ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’”
- Matthew 22:34-39
“The second is like it,” Jesus says, letting his hearers know that whatever it means to love God, it’s bound up with our ability to connect with, hear from, and see the people God’s placed near us.
Where were you the last time someone really saw you? How often do you get the opportunity to sit across from someone who is there – not to use, change, convince, control, or recruit you – but to help you become more fully yourself?
At its best, the culture you create in your home will foster those kinds of spaces: spaces full of healthy celebration, challenge, conflict, and growth that helps each participant become more fully who God invites them to be. That kind of connection doesn’t happen effortlessly; and (much like anything that’s good for you), some of the habits required won’t feel fun at first. Developing a nourishing connection requires habits of strategy, conflict, and empathy–and it’ll demand emotional, spiritual, financial, and relational work.
Regular counseling for you, and maybe even together with those you live with–whether a spouse, a friend, or your roommates (best before a problem arises, and certainly after), consistent rhythms of prayer, nourishing friendships, a purposeful breakdown of household tasks, shared and individual hobbies, non-violent communication (that doesn’t accuse, and doesn’t offer defensiveness when receiving difficult feedback), and frequent encouragement of your shared and personal dreams/goals are all part of a healthy home.
But those are practical tips (which is for a different section). For now, the main question is: what does it look like–today, this week, this month, this year–to practice “loving God, and loving your neighbor as yourself ”?
Here are a few reflection questions you can consider (for yourself, toward your spouse, or your roommates; and with the others in your home, for the neighbors you love together):
What spaces do I/we feel most seen, known, and connected (with myself, with those in my home, with our neighbors, and with God?)
What might I/we do to open up more of those spaces of connection?
What habits might we need to stop, because they’re out of alignment with love for God and neighbor?
Who do I/we need to help us develop better habits of love for God and neighbor?
When will we circle back and review our progress (literal time/ date on the calendar)?
How will I/we celebrate progress?
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Ethan Linder serves as Pastor of Connections, Collegians, and Young Adults at CWC.