Ending Well

Written by Shelby Louvé

“Before the Passover celebration, Jesus knew that his hour had come to leave this world and return to his Father. He had loved his disciples during his ministry on earth, and now he loved them to the very end.” - John 13:1

Ending well is always a process (whether the ending is brought on by choice, finishing something, losing someone or something—expected or unexpected). As we journey through our “endings,” all of us feel a sense of loss, grief, and–even if the ending leads to a happy new beginning–an ongoing sense that something is gone that won’t be recovered in the same way again. Here are a few ways to engage in moments of “ending.”

Acknowledge it.

Allow whatever feelings you have to be what they are.

If you are ending a season that has been hard or even just complex and heavy, it is okay if the feelings that flood in are ones of relief and gratitude.

Allow your feelings to be complex and nuanced. They might be different in the morning than they are in the evening. You might think you are okay and excited and quickly realize you are also sad.

Change is sometimes uncomfortable and definitely stirs the “status quo pot”—do your best to embrace it and admit it to yourself. Try to offer a bit of extra grace to yourself as you navigate new territory (a new job, life without a person through death or heartbreak, the loss of a season or job that you wish were still here).

Prepare your heart if you are able.

Sometimes endings are abrupt and we cannot anticipate or plan for them. However, we can create space in our hearts and minds to process them, even if it isn’t beforehand.

Ask yourself (and those around you) good questions as you process an ending:

• What are you taking with you from this role/season/person into the future?

• What’s going to be hardest to ‘leave behind’? How do you plan to process that?

• What are some relationships you’ve made that you are determined to invest in after this season is over? How will you invest in them?

• Are there people who intentionally or unintentionally hurt you in this season that you need to forgive? How can you release them to the Lord through forgiveness and ask for His blessing on each of you?

• What do you want to make sure you take with you from this season.

Saying Goodbye

John 13:1 states, “Before the Passover celebration, Jesus knew that his hour had come to leave this world and return to his Father. He had loved his disciples during his ministry on earth, and now he loved them to the very end.” My friend and former colleague, Jess Fankhauser, taught me a lot about this verse in a blog post she shared on the “The Art of Saying Goodbye in a Culture of See You Later”. . . Jesus in this passage asks us to lean in fully until the end of something like he did, but then to admit and truly say goodbye to his community. In her blog post, she says “In the church, we rarely, if ever, talk about saying goodbye unless we are at a funeral. The reality though is that goodbyes are a part of our lives long before we get to a funeral. Our lives are full of comings and goings, transitions—the changing of season both in nature and in our lives and heart. Different seasons, with different people, roles and responsibilities.” She goes on to say, “And the more I encounter these different seasons and roles and relationships in my work and life, the more I am convinced that our inability to say goodbye well, is paralyzing us (me) from living fully into the abundant John 10:10 life that God desires for us.” My favorite lesson from her words is her belief that “to learn to leave well is to learn to live well” and I think she was right.

How do you want and need to say goodbye?

• Jesus teaches us (as my friend Jess reminds me) that “We are

  meant to live and invest fully until the very last day.” Lean into the experience—try not to withdraw or check out to avoid pain.

• If you can say thank you when needed, do.

• If you need to have a hard conversation, do that if that would be healthy.

• Try to say goodbye as honestly as you can.
  

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Shelby Louvé has been living life in residence halls throughout Grant County for the last decade and her current role is as a Resident Director of Evans Hall at Indiana Wesleyan University. She and her husband, Stenway, love college students and living life in community. Living life on a college campus has taught her a great deal about transitions and how to prepare to end seasons well.